Welcome back to the 90s.
I encourage you to listen to this while reading the blog. A little mood music. A little way to Spice Up Your Life. (Note I said listen, not watch. The music video is Boring Spice).
So the Spice Girls made a movie. Spice World. It’s not great. There’s not really a point to it. But if you like the Spice Girls, you’ll probably like the movie. You will like it even more if you are 11 and watch it with your friends at a sleepover AND would like to see a man’s naked bum for the first time (*brief nudity*).
Much of the movie takes place on the large, elaborate two-story “Spicebus,” which has enough room for a stationary bike, a swing, a slide, plenty of seating, and individual closets. The exterior of the bus is decorated with the British flag. It stands out. It’s a big bus with a big red, white, and blue flag on it. Shots of the bus driving through London often feature people on the street reading newspaper articles about the Spice Girls…yet no one ever looks at the bus or gets excited about seeing it. Maybe it’s a British thing. Stuff upper lip and all.
If you know nothing about the Spice Girls here’s a quick bio: There’s 5 of them. They dress provocatively. They sing girly pop songs. Oh, and they’re amazing.
The Spice Girls poke fun at their stereotypes. They exaggerate their Spice Girls name, yet wonder aloud if they will ever be seen as anything other than “Sporty” or “Baby.” (The answer is…no. Unless you’re Posh Victoria Beckham. Because you will go on to marry David Beckham. And have a successful fashion line. Well done, Posh. Way to commit to the stereotype wholeheartedly. Unfortunately “Scary” and “Ginger” are kind of limited career angles).
Scary/ Mel B
Scary Spice is the crazy, funky, wild one. She wears animal print and an astronaut suit. She has an afro sometimes. And I guess “Random Spice” just doesn’t sound as good.
Ginger/ Geri Halliwell
Ginger Spice is all about girl power. She does the peace sign a lot and likes to wear clothes that show off her cleavage (a form of girl power, you could say). She is full of odd little-known facts. And she usually serves as the spokeswoman for the group.
Sporty/ Mel C
Sporty Spice is the athletic one. She’s usually wearing a sports bra and sweatpants, and has her hair in a ponytail. If the Spice Girls were together now, in 2014, she would be the one on a juice cleanse telling everyone about her delicious flax-seed, kale-almond, birchbark salad. Or not–but she would definitely go to Soulcycle classes.
Posh/ Victoria
Posh Spice is the fashionista. She is all about brand-name designers, couture, and high heels. Apparently she has a difficult time deciding between “the little Gucci dress or the little Gucci dress.” And even though she’s a little superficial, she was is my favorite.
Baby/ Emma
Baby Spice is the cute, innocent one. She keeps stuffed animals on her bed, wears her hair in pigtails, and eats lots of lollipops. She’s the silly, dumb blonde. And the youngest of the group.
“If you wannabe my lover, you gotta” stop writing gossip, filming me, and…being from outer space
Throughout the movie the Spice Girls are rehearsing for a big upcoming concert. But along the way they have to deal with aliens (who are big Spice Girls fans–obviously), mean newspaper articles, and the invasion of privacy from a crew trying to film The Spice Girls documentary.
There are a number of random things in this movie:
- Hugh Laurie
- Daydreams/visions of The Spice Girls as The “Spice Force 5” secret agents as well as heavily pregnant older mums
- Meatloaf (the singer)
- A tall, thin, grim-faced manager who is always in colorful suits and makes frequent angry phone calls
- Hugh Laurie
- A weird, unnecessary “chief” who has a baby pig and says ridiculous phrases as if they are full of wisdom (for example: “When the rabbit of chaos is pursued by the ferret of disorder through the fields of anarchy, it is time to hang your pants on the hook of darkness, whether they are clean or not”).
- Male dancers with bare butts
- Hugh Laurie
- Nicola, the pregnant bff of the girls (whose storyline is irrelevant, except for at the climax of the movie when the Spice Girls “almost” don’t make it to their own concert because they are at the hospital waiting for Nicola to give birth).
Anyway, in the end, the Spice Girls do make it to their big concert JUST in time (Thank God, I mean, I was seriously concerned while watching. On the edge of my seat. The edge!)
“Hi ci ja–hold tight”
But then we discover that the producer/writer duo that have been pitching Spice Girls film ideas to the manager are actually narrating THIS movie! Omg! Isn’t that great? (In case you couldn’t tell, I’m Sarcastic Spice).
So who is your favorite Spice Girl? Or Spice Grrrrl?
*Special thanks to Andrea, who first introduced me to Spice Girls 11 years ago and let me borrow her Chihuahua, Rosie, to reenact the Spice World movie a few days ago.*
DramaDogz 