Terrior Labyrinth

The Labyrinth, a Jim Henson film from the 80s, is a personal favorite of mine. It’s funny, it’s got catchy songs, and it’s a more innocent adventure film than any hero-must-save-__ movie that’s come out in the last 10 years.

In the movie, teenage Jennifer Connelly plays Sarah, a young girl who has a psychotic break and thinks she must defeat an evil legging-wearing Goblin King’s labyrinth to rescue her baby brother. (JK Jim Henson, I love the film! There’s no psychotic break, but there is a codpiece in those leggings.)

The film starts out with Sarah in a medieval-style costume rehearsing lines from a play (The Labyrinth, obviously) in a park. Kinda weird to walk around in costume in public rehearsing lines by yourself, but it’s definitely not the weirdest thing that happens in the movie, so I’ll overlook it. She realizes she is late for babysitting duty at home, but then has major attitude when her stepmom calls her on it (teenagers, ugh).

Dramatic look-away

After her parents leave, Sarah has an angsty teenage tantrum about a stuffed bear that’s been taken from her room for her baby half-brother (side note: if you pay careful attention, almost everything you see in her room later plays a role in the labyrinth). Annoyed by her brother’s incessant crying, Sarah wishes for the Goblin King to take him away (drama queen). The Goblin King–who can also turn into an owl for some reason– fulfills her request (how nice). Sarah immediately changes her mind (ugh, teenagers!!). And the King tells Sarah she has 13 hours to get to his castle in the center of the labyrinth to save her brother before he is turned into a goblin (seems reasonable). But the labyrinth keeps messing with her because everything is “not what it seems” (aka the Goblin King is a cheater).

“Sarah, go back to your room. Play with your toys and your costumes. Forget about the baby.” And don’t let this awesome wig detract from what I’m saying.

During her journey inside the labyrinth Sarah makes friends with Hoggle, Ludo, and Sir Didymus.

Hoggle–the bumbling mentor– has a face that looks like rocks, loves jewelry, and is kind of a coward when it comes to defying the Goblin King. But he always conveniently shows up at the last minute to grumpily save Sarah, his first/only friend.

Ludo–the trusty sidekick–is a big, furry orange beast with horns, has a two-year-old’s vocabulary (“Sarah,” “fwend,” “oww”), and can summon rocks with a series of weird groans, which comes in handy when the characters are in desperate need of weapons to fight goblins or stepping stones to cross a smelly bog.

Sir Didymus–the comic relief/soldier–is a little fox-type creature with a moustache who takes his job as defender of the bridge very seriously. He speaks like a Shakespearean Knight and is always down for a fight.

Sir Didymus, Hoggle, Sarah, and Ludo**

Before she reaches the castle, Sarah must defeat:

1. Creepy orange bird things that surround and antagonize her, threatening to rip her head off (it’s a little bit of a queen of hearts “off with their heads” moment). This is my least favorite part of the movie because I hate birds and these ugly Fiery bird-things can all swap heads and it freaks me out. They look like chickens that have already been digested and then re-feathered (you’re welcome for that mental image).

“Hey, hey! Her head don’t come off!”

2. A sleep-inducing peach (an apple is more traditional, but whatever) that the Goblin King forces Hoggle to give Sarah. Sarah falls asleep, steps into a dream bubble, and forgets what she is looking for (I feel like a human child should be more difficult to forget, but okay).

This scene leads to an awesome masked-ball dream sequence that I did not even attempt to recreate. P.S. Please ignore the fact that the mask looks like it is melting

3. Weird/adorable goblin soldiers and David Bowie The Goblin King, Jareth, who only wants Sarah to “fear him, love him, and do as he says.” That’s all. Apparently him trying to kill her multiple times has been a display of his immense generosity.

Jareth: “You remind me of the babe.”
Sarah: “You have no power here.”
(That’s not exactly how it goes, I’m summarizing.)

Sarah is able to defeat them all, rescue Toby (who’s is, ironically, dressed like Where’s Waldo) and return home. And all this happened because her dad and step-mom insisted on Sarah babysitting during their date night (and also because Sarah’s choice in literature comes to life in a puppet-filled fantasy adventure).

“Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen.”

Is it all in her head? Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. Either way, it’s fun to watch.

There is also an adorable worm in a scarf, talking knockers (on doors, door knockers!) and many other strange/silly characters inside the labyrinth. It’s a musical comedy about a young girl looking for her brother and finding herself (OMG, I should have been the PR person for this [if I had been alive when it was made]).

**The photo of all four of them was literally the most difficult photo I have ever taken. Apparently dogs don’t like wigs and masks and mustaches. But I told them they had to earn their keep and gave them lots of treats. Special thanks to my mom, the dog wrangler, who only let fly a few choice words and didn’t abandon me with 4 dogs mid-photoshoot despite her immense desire to do so.